Couples with thriving young children and struggling marriages aren’t a new sight in therapy office. It can be a real challenge to shift from a married couple to married couple with kids. Arguments and little fights can be healthy sometimes and couple without kids had the plenty of time to attend to their relationship while now that kid’s are present, their needs alone can leave both parents drained and exhausted. This could mean that at the end of the day couples will feel tired and no time for each other.
There are many reasons why divorce happen but one possible reason is parents tend to get overboard attending to their children while neglecting their responsibilities as a husband or wife.
Most of the parents can only have their alone time after the kids are in bed. And what make things worse after your long day is both of you has barely the energy to even ask how each other’s day went because you cannot even pull up the covers. When you reach this point maybe you are in the edge of your relationship.
It will help so much if couples will find time for each other; it is always a good idea to have a day for the parents alone. Weekend mornings can be a good time whereas stress of the work week recedes and before the daily demands of the children start stacking up, couples sometimes find their best opportunity to shift into a mode where they can focus on each other.
It is also important to talk to your kids and explain that parents need time for each other too. To make them busy, think of possible and safe way to make use of their time. As soon as a couple acquires some uninterrupted time together, now other challenges appear to happen such as how are they going to use this alone time well.
Try not to do the following:
- Never compare, do not weigh against whose life is harder
- Do not complain and tell your partner the s/he doesn’t give you what you need
- Expect your partner to instantly feel like being sexual
- Give up on intimacy and plan the children’s week together
Some good ideas consist of:
- Take turns listening to each other.
- The listener tries to empathize and understand without trying to solve the problem
- Massage each other while listening to nice music
- Take turns appreciating yourself while your partner listens and smiles
- Take a walk together in a beautiful place
- Take a bath or hot tub together
- Whatever you do, focus on being together
- Pay attention to each other
- And consciously try to say things that build a sense of connection.
Treating to your relationship in this technique is one of the most excellent things you can do for your children. And for sure you will enjoy it yourself!